27 – Guy Time, Girl Time

God didn’t make you and your spouse as clones of each other. He created you male and female. While we hope you enjoy doing many things together, you will each have interests that you don’t have in common. There is nothing wrong with the fact that your interests are different, but these differences can be a source of conflict. Or your different interests can be viewed as another opportunity to show each other respect.
Respect for each other will cause you to make room for each other’s interests. You will need to do some combination of the following.
Doing Things Together - Spend some time joining your spouse in what they like to do. Shirley will go golfing with me once or twice a year. I will go shopping with her about as frequently. If there is something your spouse enjoys that you have never tried, at least try it once to see whether you might like it. Look for opportunities to nurture an interest in something your spouse likes to do.
Shirley has on occasion set up a booth at a craft fair. I have no natural interest in crafts, but helping set up the booth is a way I can be involved in her interest and spend time doing something with her.
Welcoming Each Other - We have two sons who live about 200 miles away from us in Seattle. I will make several trips a year there to take them to a professional baseball or football game. We often play some golf while I am there. Shirley knows that she is always welcome to join us. She might watch one baseball game a year. The last time I took her to a professional basketball game she fell asleep. Shirley invites me to go with her when she goes to get her nails done or goes shopping. Even though I seldom accept an invitation like that, I know that she enjoys my company and wouldn’t mind me coming.
Freedom – You should give your spouse the freedom to pursue some interests without your participation or complaints. I might average a golf game a week during good weather. If Shirley wants to get together with some other ladies to do something fun, she has my support. (Even the underwear painting party she went to with a group of mothers and grandmothers.)
Giving your spouse your support in pursuing something of interest to them will help them understand that you value them as a person. Because you have shown respect to your spouse in this way, you will find them returning respect in other ways.
Limits – We have to limit the pursuit of individual interests so that it doesn’t crowd out our married life. I could watch a lot more football, but it tends to drive Shirley out of the living room, so I limit it. If I started golfing every day, I would be throwing my life out of balance, neglecting too many other things, including my marriage. (I say this as a working man. I recognize that a retired man might be able to golf nearly every day without necessarily being out of balance.)
Growing Up – You will have to forsake interests that are destructive, disrespectful, or contrary to your wedding vows. We once did a wedding where the bride was a former stripper. Before marrying, she had to agree to forsake her former career, because her husband was never going to feel respected while she was still active as a stripper. A man who may have been in the habit of going out to have a few drinks with the boys, coming home late and drunk, will need to give that up.
If a wife’s time with the girls makes her want to come home and pick a fight, or his time with the boys makes him want to come home and treat his wife with disrespect, something needs to change. If you are spending time with friends, they should be friends that respect your spouse and support your marriage. Don’t give valuable time to people who have a negative impact on your attitude toward marriage and toward your spouse.
Communicate! - We will always let each other know what we are planning and make sure that our plans work for both of us.
Giving each other some consideration with interests that you don’t have in common is a natural result of respecting each other. You need to look at your normal schedule through a week and find a balanced life that gives you time for your relationship with God, for work, for each other, and for your interests.
Talk About It – Are there interests that either of you are pursuing too much or too little? Are there ways that you can include each other in things you are interested in?