21 – A Regular Diet of Forgiveness

Earlier, we talked about applying forgiveness to the past. To have a healthy marriage, you also need to practice it on a regular basis.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13)
There are going to be hundreds of opportunities in your marriage to be hurt by something your spouse says or does.
If you allow hurt, resentment, or anger to accumulate, you will either live in a constant foul mood or you will snap some day over whatever issue happens to be the last straw. You may feel foolish if the last straw is some tiny issue and your reaction is totally out of proportion to its significance.
Jesus gave a startling answer to Peter’s question about forgiveness:
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22) (some translations say seventy times seven)
When we picture Jesus’ disciples, we tend to think of old men with beards. But they were pretty young when Jesus first called them. You might think of them as Jesus’ youth group. Peter may have asked this question after getting his sixth wedgie of the day from his fellow disciples. He may have thought of himself as being pretty big-hearted to be willing to forgive seven times in the same day. He may have been planning to pounce on John on the eighth offense. Jesus, instead, teaches us to offer forgiveness without limit.
I don’t believe that Jesus wants His followers to neglect solving problems that cause ongoing conflict. If you have to forgive someone seven times you should ask what you need to do to avoid them hurting you the eighth time. But your willingness to forgive should be limitless.
Everybody gets hurt. The person closest to you has more ability to hurt you than anyone else. Forgiveness is the choice to let the hurt go. If you want a healthy marriage, you need to be quick to forgive. If you can’t forgive until you have made everyone involved suffer or until you have made a big scene, you will seriously hinder anyone else’s ability to be close to you. You also won’t be able to keep up with the need for forgiveness.
The ease with which you handle the little daily irritations you may get from your spouse has as much to do with you and the way you look at life as it does the things your spouse says and does. If you recognize and appreciate God’s love and forgiveness toward you, you will find it easier to be quick to forgive. When Jesus answered Peter’s question about forgiveness, He went on to tell a story.
"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." (Matthew 18:23-35)
We believe Jesus told this story to show us how our unforgiveness looks to God. The man had been forgiven a debt that was so huge, he never could have repaid it in his lifetime. He promptly went out and refused to forgive someone who owed him a small amount of money. Everyone who saw it thought he was being ridiculous.
If someone hurts you, it may look like a big deal until you compare it to the great love and forgiveness that God has shown us. If you are slow to forgive, you probably have not allowed God’s great love and mercy to sink into your thinking.
Your willingness to forgive will set a positive tone in your home. You will find it easier to communicate and both of you will treat each other with greater respect.
Talk About It – Do you feel that it is difficult or easy to get forgiveness from your spouse? Are you quick or slow to forgive?