Managing Anger

God’s Word: Ephesians 4: 26 In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.

Do Not Sin – God commands us not to sin when we are angry because our judgment is not as good when we are angry. We are more likely to do something wrong. But this command shows us that what is wrong when you are not angry is still wrong when you are. Discuss bad actions you may be vulnerable to when you are angry.

What can you do to control your behavior when you are angry and avoid saying or doing something harmful?

How can you help your spouse do what is right when they are angry?

Don’t Let the Sun Go Down – If you become angry, how long does it take for you to cool down and make things right?

What do you need to do to become quicker at cooling off and resolving whatever made you angry?

Discuss what you can do as a couple to make sure you do not let the sun go down on your anger.

No Foothold – Are there issues in your marriage that are easy triggers for conflict? What do you need to do to resolve them?

Bring Happiness

God’s Word: Deuteronomy 24:5 If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.

Stay at Home – This command required a married man to spend time at home so that his wife would be happy. How would you describe your happiness when you are both home together?

Do you need to spend more time at home together than you do now? If so, how can you adjust your schedules so that you have more time together?

Is there anything you can do to improve the quality of the time you do spend together at home? (such as eat together, pray together, remove distractions, etc.)

Bring Happiness – Explain to each other the things that make you happy or unhappy when you are together.

Discuss some of the things you can do to bring happiness to each other.

What are the long term consequences of you having a happy, stable, marriage?

Work Toward Peace

God’s Word: Romans 14:19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

Effort? – Discuss with each other ways you can put effort into making your marriage better.

How much effort have you given to your marriage in the last month?

Peace? – What does it take for you to be at peace with each other?

Which of these best fits your idea of peace?

1. We leave each other alone most of the time. We don’t bother each other.
2. We are able to spend time together and enjoy each other’s company, as long as we don’t bring up sensitive subjects that we can’t agree on.
3. We both understand and respect each other and enjoy being around each other, even though we don’t think alike on some things.
4. We are just the same; we think and feel the same about everything.

(If you picked 1 or 2, you have work to do on your marriage. If you picked 3, you are blessed. If you picked 4, you may be from another planet.)

Mutual Edification? – Some couples are in competition with each other. What would it take for each of you to want the other to grow?

Discuss ways you would like to see growth in your life in the next five years.

Speaking the Truth in Love

God’s Word: Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

Speaking the Truth – Discuss with each other how honest you believe you are with each other.
Is there anything that would bring more honesty into your marriage?
Are there times when it would be better to say nothing than to speak the truth?
Are there times you have spoken, out of anger or fear, things that were not true?

Speaking in Love – Talk about how to speak in love to each other.
How does love influence your choice of words, your tone of voice, and your timing when you talk to each other?

In All Things Grow Up – How can you help each other grow as Christians?
Tell your spouse what they can do that will help you grow.

It’s Not All About Me

God’s Word: 1 Corinthians 13:5 It (Love) is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Anger? – This verse says that love is not easily angered. Discuss with each other how often in the past month anger has been evident in your marriage.
Can you discuss those moments without getting angry again?
How does love cause you to be slower to anger?
What needs to change for each of you to take longer to become angry?

• If you are easily angered, you do not believe the best about life, God, and your spouse. If you believe that God loves you, and your spouse loves you, then life’s troubles don’t make you mad as easily. You are expecting things to work out, God to show up, and your spouse to do what they can.

Self-Seeking? – Love is not self-seeking. Describe for each other a time you were focused on yourself to the point you were unaware of your spouse's needs.

How can you become less self-seeking?

No Record? - Love keeps no record of wrongs. Each of you share with the other a wrong from the past you would appreciate never being brought up again.

Discuss whether you are willing to drop it once and for all.