15 – Service

One of the ironies of life is that if you make your own happiness a primary goal in life, you won’t be happy. Happiness is a by-product of a meaningful life. If you live your lives pursuing only goals that benefit your family, such as the new car, the bigger house and the retirement fund, you may achieve all your goals and find your life empty and meaningless. A married couple must live for more than themselves. Using what you have, your time, your abilities, and your money, to help others in some way is called service. If you as a couple don’t serve someone other than yourselves, your marriage will be hollow and aimless.
Life can often seem overwhelming. It may seem like it takes every minute available and every penny we have just to keep our own heads above water. That’s an illusion. There is always room in your life to serve others. Even the poor widow who Elijah met was called to serve and had to decide if she had room in her heart to share what she had with someone else.
So he went to Zarephath. When he came to the town gate, a widow was there gathering sticks. He called to her and asked, "Would you bring me a little water in a jar so I may have a drink?" As she was going to get it, he called, "And bring me, please, a piece of bread."
"As surely as the LORD your God lives," she replied, "I don't have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die."
Elijah said to her, "Don't be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small cake of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son. For this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the LORD gives rain on the land.' " (1 Kings 17:10-14)
The Bible commands everyone to serve others.
Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. (1 Peter 4:10)
You are not healthy personally and your marriage is not healthy if you are not serving others in some way.
Your church and other non-profit organizations are great places to find opportunities to help people in your community. But if you keep your eyes open, you will find opportunities to serve all around you. Helping someone move, helping someone get their car running, taking meals to a family who is dealing with an illness; the opportunities are limitless.
For couples, here are a couple of guidelines.
Don’t Overdo It – The needs in your community and your world are great. There seems to be no end to the useful things you could be doing. If you allow yourself, you can become greatly over committed to others. While some people still need to learn to say “yes” to opportunities to serve, you may find that you need to learn to say “no” to some of them.
Don’t Get Pulled Too Far in Opposite Directions – A man and wife will have different gifts and interests. Their willingness to serve others may keep them busy in different places too much of the time. Suppose a husband is a good back yard mechanic and loves to help others with their car problems. He may find himself frequently under the hood of someone else’s car and spending too little time with his wife. Suppose her interest is decorating and she has found many opportunities to help other ladies spruce up their home. These projects can sometimes consume hours and keep people busy much longer than they had planned. You need to put a high priority on time together and limit service to others if it is keeping you apart. If you can find opportunities to serve together, you can build your relationship and help others at the same time.
Some couples have taken dramatic turns in their lives because of their willingness to serve others. Rick and Audrey McAninch were the parents of four grown children when they moved to Kenya in 1995. Teen boys were beginning to move to the streets of Kenya, having been orphaned and/or traumatized by the AIDS pandemic. Some girls were also on the streets, but harder to find because they were often quickly grabbed for house help or prostitution. Before long, Rick and Audrey discovered that there were also many babies being abandoned—most, because of cultural beliefs.
Rick and Audrey started a rescue center right in their own home. At any given time, they cared for up to thirty boys and a handful of girls they had gathered from the streets—plus eight or so abandoned babies. They also adopted two toddlers, just when they themselves had become grandparents!
We’re not suggesting that to serve others you must sell your house and move to Africa. We are saying that to have a healthy, meaningful marriage you do need to be serving someone.
Talk About It – In what ways are you using time and money to help others? Does your service to others need to increase? Is service to others a source of conflict? What can you do to resolve the conflict?