12 – Old Baggage

Jimmy can’t remember how many times he heard family members tell him things like, “You’ll never amount to anything,” “You’re useless,” or “You can’t do anything right.” He heard these things so much that he believed them. He struggled through school, always expecting to fail. He struggled to keep a job, always believing he was too dumb to do things well. He expected to fail in relationships so he looked for an advantage with women by being controlling. He married Sally who seemed weak to him and who he thought he could control. Once married, though, he found her less willing to be controlled.
Jenny went through a crazy period of drug use and promiscuity in her teens and early twenties. Then she returned to her faith in Christ and left her past behind. However, the guilt from the past keeps creeping in to her present. When she would meet a young man who she sensed could be interested in her, she would think, “If you knew what I used to be like, you wouldn’t like me.” She ended up marrying a man that had been in some trouble himself. Their marriage has a shortage of self-respect and mutual respect.
Janet had a rocky childhood. Her father drank and sometimes became physically or sexually abusive. When she was thinking clearly, she knew that her father’s problems were not her fault. In weaker moments, she blamed herself. She met a good man who wanted to marry her. He wasn’t perfect, but he genuinely wanted to be a good husband. Too often, though, she overreacts to him as though he is her abusive father. Her responses are exaggerated, because her emotions are a combined response to the present and the past.
Past failure and hurts should not keep you from what God has in mind for you now. If you have given your life to Him, He has a good plan for you and He will give you the ability to be what He wants you to be. If you have confessed your sin to God, He has forgiven you. If you have been hurt, God expects you to forgive those who have wronged you.
Hearing Our Real Father – Ideally, a child’s life will be marked by the encouragement and love given to them by their parents. Unfortunately, some children are loaded down with insecurity and rejection from their parents. Or they may be victims of abuse by others and have deep wounds that challenge their ability to live with joy and purpose. God acknowledges that our parents may let us down, but He promises that He never will.
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! (Isaiah 49:15)
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. (Psalm 68:5)
If you are carrying an image of yourself as worthless and unloved, you need to see yourself as God sees you. You can do this by listening to God as He speaks His love to you. This isn’t something you do once or twice, but something you need to do on a regular basis. If you aren’t in the habit of reading the Bible, you should start now. Hearing God tell you He loves you is only one of many reasons you need a regular habit of reading the Bible. Here is an example of what you will find about yourself in the Bible.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139:13-14)
God will also speak to you during times of prayer and worship.
Receiving Forgiveness – God makes a solid promise to forgive you if you ask Him.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
He also speaks to all of us who are changing from old ways to new ones, telling us that He has a great plan for us.
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)
Maybe you think that when God speaks about His will being “good, pleasing, and perfect,” He is speaking only to those who haven’t already made a mess of their lives. He is speaking to all of us, no matter how big our mess. Paul is writing to us who were conformed “to the pattern of this world,” and now need to be “transformed.”
This means that whatever you may have done in the past, God has a good plan for your future. If you want to discover it, you need to be transformed. But, this only happens by learning from God and obeying Him.
However, you need to be honest with yourself about any wounds you are carrying from the past. God has forgiven you, but have you forgiven yourself? Some people are even carrying guilt for things that were not their fault, such as being abused by a parent or an older relative.
Some Christians struggle by viewing themselves as the person they used to be. God is telling you to view yourself as the person He is making you into.
Talk About It – How deeply have God’s love and forgiveness impacted the way you look at yourself? How can you help each other deepen your understanding of God’s love and forgiveness?