2 - Commitment

Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. (Matthew 19:6)
Jesus made this statement to show that marriages are meant to be permanent, as long as the husband and wife are both living. When people marry, they usually have a mental picture of their future lives together. They have probably talked about short-term plans and long-term dreams. However, life is unpredictable. God knows the future, but He has chosen to only show some of it to us. We will experience things we never imagined and see things in our spouse we didn’t know were there. We may have to change our plans and delay some of the dreams we had.
Commitment is a key ingredient in a marriage that will keep it together when life gets tough. Commitment in marriage should be seen first as obedience to God. Lack of commitment comes from selfishly putting our own short-term happiness ahead of obedience.
If you are happily married, your commitment may seldom, if ever, be challenged. But many marriages go through rocky times that test the commitment of both the man and the woman.
Some marriages fail because of a big break in trust, such as one person cheating on the other. Usually, though, the cheating didn’t start overnight. People worked up to it by failing to nurture their marriages. In many cases couples failed at the little day to day things that make a marriage work. Usually it takes a bad marriage to make a stupid decision like cheating on your spouse look like a good idea.
Reasons for Ending a Marriage - The purpose of this book is to encourage people to nurture their marriages, not to end them. However, we have to acknowledge that the Bible does offer justification for ending a marriage in certain circumstances.
Jesus shows that a person who is the victim of unfaithfulness can divorce and remarry.
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery. (Matthew 19:9)
If you are the victim of unfaithfulness, Jesus isn’t commanding you to divorce. Forgiveness and restoration is a better choice if you can do it and we’ll offer some help later on how to forgive and restore trust. But if your spouse refuses to honor their vows, you do have the right to divorce and remarry.
Paul also shows that the victim of abandonment is not bound by the marriage covenant.
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. (1 Corinthians 7:15)
Also, there are apparently situations in which separation is justified when divorce is not. Paul doesn’t explain what circumstances he was thinking of when he wrote:
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)
Verse 11 provides for a separation, without remarrying someone else, leaving open the possibility of reconciliation. This is what we would recommend in situations of abuse, alcoholism, or addiction. A person can separate, without ending the marriage, and make clear (by writing it down) what needs to change for the marriage to be restored to normal.
Please don’t end your marriage because you are bored, unfulfilled, or tired of life the way it is. You will have far more success building the marriage you have than you will chasing something else.
Bob and Frances had been married for seven years and have two small children. They both worked and were both frequently exhausted. They had always struggled to make ends meet. This led to frequent arguments about money. The romance in their marriage had seemed to fizzle in recent years. They hadn’t had a date night in over a year and hadn’t had a vacation for three years. Like many couples in their shoes, they started to toy with the idea of divorce. They each thought that they might find new joy in the company of someone else.
Could you advise them on how to renew their marriage? Of course you could. Successful marriage isn’t complicated, but it does take effort. You can probably also recognize that their divorce would hurt a lot of people, particularly their children. Their marriage is worth saving and working for.
There is much more in the coming chapters to help you nurture your marriage or to see it healed if it is damaged.
Talk About It – How clear were you on the idea of commitment when you said, “I do?” Of the married couples you know, who is the best example of commitment?