6 – For Better

When Ted finished high school, he was happy to get a job at the local factory. He was a blue collar guy, carried his lunch pail, and worked hard. He pictured himself staying in that job until he retired. He enjoyed life with his wife and kids, and found time to fish and hunt.
As Ted grew in his job, others began to rely on him for help and direction. He began to realize that he was smarter than he had thought when he struggled through high school. When he was offered the opportunity to be a manager and wear a shirt and tie to work, something shifted dramatically in his self image. He saw himself as smart and important. He began to look at his wife, and even his kids, as being beneath him.
At social events with his co-workers Ted began to think another woman was attracted to him. She was smart and pretty and he looked at her as being in a different league from his wife. Flirtation led to an affair and the affair led to a divorce. Ted tried to begin a new life with the other woman, but found that happiness with her was only a mirage. She could never really trust him, because she saw him as a man who would leave his wife. After all, he had left his wife to be with her.
Sometimes success in life destroys a marriage. There are women who have worked to get their husband through medical school, only to be dumped for another woman after her husband became established in his career. There are men who encouraged their wives to pursue education or career, and were left when their wives began to gain newfound confidence.
The key to avoiding this pitfall is seeing yourself and your spouse as God sees you. God has taught us not to put ourselves or anyone else in classes or leagues. He has taught us not to think of ourselves as better than anyone else. He has taught us that we are all gifted and we are all loved. If you see yourself as gifted and loved by God now, encountering success later won’t make your head inflate. You will recognize that your gifts came from God and the doors you walked through were opened by Him.
When Paul writes about using our gifts to serve others, he first warns us not to have an inflated view of ourselves.
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. (Romans 12:3)
Later in the same chapter he shows us that we need to ignore the barriers that often separate people, and to treat everyone with respect.
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. (Romans 12:16)
You need to nurture a healthy attitude toward your spouse, viewing him or her as the one God has given to you to help you in this life. Adam had the benefit of having no one else to compare Eve to, other than the animals.
So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, He took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man. (Genesis 2:20-22)
Since Adam could only compare Eve with porcupines and lizards, he would have been in awe of her. We can each maintain that awe if we keep a humble view of ourselves and a grateful attitude toward the One who gave us our spouse.
In Malachi the Lord tells us that He hates divorce. He says,
Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because He no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because He was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. (Malachi 2:13-16)
God is speaking to us married folks when He says twice, “guard yourself in your spirit.” There are many wrong attitudes to guard ourselves against, and thinking we have become too good for our spouse is one of them.
In verse 14 He says, “she is your partner.”
The Hebrew word for partner “chabereth” is from a root word “chabar”, which means to unite. If we are partners, then whatever success, failure, hardship, and joy we face in life belongs to both of us. If things come along that are “better” than we were expecting, we should enjoy them together.
Talk About It – Since you married, what has been better than you expected? What effect did it have on your marriage?