36 – Parenting Little Kids

This topic of parenting small children is well worth entire books, and many good books have been written on the subject. Our purpose in including a short chapter on the subject is to share a few key thoughts that we consider very important. These principles apply to the first 10 or 12 years of your child’s life. The next chapter talks about some of the changes in parenting style you will need as your children enter adolescence.
Learning Mutual Respect - Your small children need to learn from you that they are important and that they are loved. They also need to learn from you that others are important and should be treated with respect. You are going to lay the foundation for your children’s future relationships in the way you treat them. If on the one hand, you crush the interests and expressions of your children, you will leave them with a fractured sense of their own worth, and they will have trouble relating with others. On the other hand, if your entire lives center on your children, they will be selfish little rascals and will have trouble valuing the interests of others. This will leave them with a damaged ability to have meaningful relationships with others.
If their feelings are never considered, they will not know how to expect respect. If their feelings are always given top priority, they will not know how to give respect to others. Mutual respect is crucial to marriage and many other relationships throughout your child’s life. They should learn mutual respect in childhood.
Learning Genuine Faith - You will have the primary opportunity to instill faith in Christ and godly values in your children. The Bible instructs us:
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. (Deuteronomy 6:5-7)
This passage shows us that to be qualified as a parent, you first need to love God and have His commandments on your heart. You then impress them on your children in the day to day activities of life. There is little hope of impressing anything on your children that you don’t first have on your own heart. Your children will easily be able to see what you really believe. Your words will be empty if they don’t agree with your actions.
Time Together - To have the teaching opportunities that Deuteronomy 6 talks about, you are going to have to do things as a family. The ideal environment for raising children has been defined by researchers as
an enduring two parent family that engages regularly in activities together, has developed its own routines, traditions and stories, has minimal conflict, and provides a great deal of contact time between adults and children.
Being a Healthy Parent - To be a good parent, you first need to have a healthy understanding of who you are. Weaknesses in your own character will show up in the way you treat your children.
Unfulfilled - If you feel unfulfilled you may try to live your life through your children, hoping that they will accomplish the things you only dreamed about. You may put unreasonable expectations on them that make their lives miserable. It is natural and healthy to want your children to go beyond where you have gone, but not to insist that they fulfill your dreams. They will have dreams of their own. The Bible compares children to arrows.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. (Psalm 127:4)
Warriors don’t shoot arrows at their own feet. They shoot them at places they haven’t been yet. But to shoot them you have to let go. Your children need to be allowed to become who God intended them to be. We will say more about letting go of your children in the next chapter.
Desperate for Approval - If you are desperate for your children’s approval, you may be too permissive with your children and raise them to ignore boundaries. To be a good parent, there will be times you must tell your children what they don’t want to hear. You are going to have to tell them “no” some of the time. Particularly when your children are small, they need you to set boundaries.
Fear of Embarrassment - If you fear embarrassment or failure, you may react harshly to your children when they inevitably do something embarrassing or they fail at something. You will likely pass onto your children your fear of embarrassment.
Balance - If you love God, know that He loves you, and enjoy life while considering others, you will have the balance you need to be a good parent. If you find that there is unhealthiness in you that hinders your ability to be a good parent, talk honestly with your spouse about it. Work on it together. Ask God to bring growth to your life.
Talk About It – Are you spending enough time with your children to instill faith and character in them? Are you giving them a balanced sense of their own interests and the interests of others?